i’ve kinda had the shivers all day. the temperature was way low and it didnt feel much like florida. i went and got a haircut. the chill in the air and the buzz of the clippers have left me permanently goosepimpled. it sucks when ur heart tells u that it needs something but it also tells u when things change, when feelings change. u can never lie about it. maybe stall. but i dunno. i felt like i had to be honest to myself and her. she had been pretty great. and falling asleep in each other’s arms was some new kind of heaven. but there’s so much more that needs to click. sorry im being so vague and im sorry im talking about this on my blog. i dont really have anyone to talk to this about. sometimes it’s just me and the computer. the computer being you guys.
i feel like shit but my fans are always pretty great about keeping my spirits up. fans set up a christmas tree in my room with lights and ornaments, stockings. another fan sent cookies to the hotel(I might’ve said all this already) yesterday a fan drove about forty minutes to take me over to his sisters house to play uncharted on her boyfriend’s new ps3. everyone’s got some sort of cool gift they were given. uncharted was awesome, tomb raider, prince of persia, gears of war, god of war all kinda wrapped up into one. a naughty dog employee came to a show and sent me a copy but i dont have a ps3. it was cool to play it and use the controller to maintain balance while walking across logs. i had never played a ps3. the game is said to be too long and feel like ur playing a movie. i have to agree with the movie part. it looks so good. i think the movie comparison comes from the dialogue and characters. it feels more like indiana jones because of the dialogue, the cleverness, it was really grounded and it all seemed plausible. things can be so sterile and sci fi with game characters and dialogue sometimes. i was really happy to play it for an hour and it was my favorite present. even thought it wasnt mine.
last night we fought and cried and then feel asleep pretzled like the night before when we watched it’s a wonderful life. last night i watched the assassination of jesse james while her breath hit my neck on and off. the movie was one of the best id seen all year and i had a helluva time trying to turn it down everytime it got loud cuz i didnt want to wake her. there’s something truly haunting and poetic about it. i cant wait to see it again. this is the year of affleck. who woulda called that?
so today was sad. fans came to the rescue yet again and took me to dewey cox. when people write me and ask me out and stuff, i usually say no or ignore it, because u never know who’s crazy. but this was two girls from the message board who wanted to take a break from printing shirts for other board members for friday’s show. one won the fan tshirt contest we just held, the other one managed the hotel i was staying at and set up the tree. the movie was a little lame, it felt like one huge montage. a conveyor belt of cameos that might signal the end of a run for both john c and judd. regardless i did laugh about five times and i needed it. and jenna fischer makes life tolerable.
i thank god i make this music. it brings all the these kids together, and it cheers up all kinds of people who have bum out bombs of their own (one girl just wrote me and asked me to buy her erotic soaps or her and her two kids were gonna go homeless:() i have these awesome fans and i try to take care of them like soybean plants in a styrofoam cups. i want all of them to be happy and get lots of sunlight and grow. i feel like i’ve toured everywhere so no matter where i am. if im in a jam, if i need help, if im depressed. they’re always there to take me to the movies or play video games with me. i feel lonely and sad right now (is it emo if the language isnt dressed up?) but it’s never as horrible as it could’ve been had i not had such an amazing group of people listening to my music. i feel like im being redudant and that ive said all this before. i just really appreciate everyone that’s cool to me. i dont ever have to be rich or famous and i never think im all that. i feel like what we all do, this collecitve, is humble and ernest and something to be proud of. i feel like ive made it when my fans treat me like they do.
oh and i must confess that i donwloaded five star trek eps onto my nano. and they make me laugh and i kinda love them. ive never watched any incarnation before. im afraid i might be into it. sry.
Sorry to hear about your down time. We all go through it in out own way. I found doing stand-up comedy helped me when my mom passed away. As long as you have an outlet and don’t let the little things get you down, you’ll be ahead of the game. I don’t post on your messageboard much, but want to take this time to say keep your chin up. Even though you might be feeling down now, you can take joy in the fact that you bring joy to others. Just yesterday I was walking my dog and had my iPod on shuffle. I had a great soundtrack of The Rolling Stones, Ministry, yourself, Glory Bound, Beastie Boys, Have Heart, and then Wu Tang. That put a smile on my face the rest of the day. Sometimes it’s the little things, and I’m not talking microbiology.
Comment by Rob — December 27, 2007 @ 12:21 pm