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May 22, 2008

INDIANA CASPIAN (2 reviews in one with mild spoilers and major guilt!)

Filed under: mc chris — @ 4:23 am
mc chris
first off prince caspian. we all know it’s gonna be lame, but maybe good cuz it’s disney which means big budget and it’s a sequel which means bigger budget than the first, so you’re thinking lots of wow. i think peter jackson kinda closed the book on giant epic battles, this stuff was just kinda like, again? a big wide shot of two cgi armies running at each other is supposed to get our blood pumping. i’ll need a biplane to dive in and mow’m down for that to happen. (and it does in mummy 3!)

as an atheist the jesus stuff is great fun and i love calling aslan jesus everytime someone says aslan. the stuff is overt and it makes me angry that this stinker finds no contest but golden compass gets boycotted on christmas. fart on that. i think teaching kids to be good people is good. but teaching kids to believe in invisible lions seems questionable, manipulative and misleading. you need to belieeeeeeve. i also saw horton hears a who and there was lots of people-think-i’m-crazy-but-i-know-what-i-saw kinda themes running amok. both movies had heroes that believed in “gods” and were therefore laughed at. america is totally down with this concept right now. i wonder if they can tell that pointing out the dilemma of faith only perpetuates it. i wonder if in the end, cs lewis’ books prove to be a disservice.

good parts? lots of the girl with big lips firing arrows. and i loves that. tons of arrows in fact, crossbows and the like, the thwippage factor was high. and the storming the castle part ruled. all movies should just be sneaking into castles and assassinating people and then leaving without anyone knowing. credits.

other bad: peter dinklage is annoyed with you in every movie he’s in. i’m annoyed with peter dinklage. although the part where he hugs the little one at the end i was moved because i looked at the whole movie like it was a romance between the two. they fit.

another good thing: i found hidden mickeys in peter’s armor in the final battle scene. underneath the lion’s chin on his shirt or whatever it was called back then. when things suck i can always just go egg hunting.

indiana jones: ok, even though i knew a lot about it before hand, it shouldn’t've mattered. i should’ve liked it a lot more. i’ve never said anything bad about the prequels because i’ve become friends with george lucas’ daughter over the years no shit, and it just felt bad to say anything ever since we met at the ranch. no george lucas means no fett’s vette, no a lot of things, so i think its bad karma to openly diss him or her on anything. that being said, i have to say i was a little bummed out by the movie. but not entirely or completely in any way. there was lots of stuff i liked:

1. i actually liked mutt williams! i actually want more adventures with shia and indy. i liked how lots of connery’s gags were given to indy. it made sense and kinda flowed right. the sword fight is the best part. it’s too bad the moment wasn’t indy’s, but he had his own moments.

2. everytime he explained a legend it felt like an old indiana jones film. he’s still awesome and can still play the character. everybody believes and buys it.

what stunk to me was all the other stuff, the other actors, the crazy plot, all this stuff was kinda getting in the way of mutt and indy getting to know each other. the focus was on the villian or the macguffin or the action piece. all of that seemed like clutter around something that has potential.

it’s a brilliantly bright movie, almost reminiscent of speed racer, and i guess there was a darkness i missed. spielberg doesn’t like doom, too dark, he was going through a divorce. but it’s the first one i saw in the theater so it means so much to me. i screened it at alamo drafthouse last year. this movie was all winks to the screen and everything was well lit and sparkling. well except for the cemetery scene i should say. which was cool. i mean the whole thing was cool, it just was missing a flow. a gabillion screenplays and 20 years will do that to ya.

now what i want to see is the next one. i hope they continue and find a nice rhythm. i actually liked it once mutt entered the picture. there was some corny lines. the daddy-o one comes to mind. the two of them together feels right though, kinda like short round did. out of nowhere but right. it’ll take a second to get back into the swing of things (get it?!) i think this thing just had too much cgi thrown at it. i was so glad the prairie dogs didn’t dance caddyshack stylie.

and ray winstone, aka beowolf’s part was maybe my least favorite. next to marion’s. there’s a much better version of what they were going for in gunga din. the part’s played by victor mclaglen who rules. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Victor_McLaglen. why do we need to reference stuff all the time, like all that wild one jazz. kids that listen to my music don’t give a crap about all that. they don’t even really give a crap about indiana jones if they even know who he is (i know there are exceptions, you are geeks, it’s lucas, i know.) i think we all want to see new sights that will dazzle us, not allusions to the past. we’ve seen it all, now what. those movies happened, you didn’t make them, get over it. let’s move on and make our own shit! a little honesty and clarity never hurt a movie. i feel like if we could’ve just brushed the unnecessary stuff out of the way like cobwebs we might’ve enjoyed a nice little father son parable. maybe next time.

(oh and john hurt played a talking journal that im pretty sure confused everybody. i missed the old kind. with the rubber band around it, filled with notes. everything that wasnt indiana jones or mutt was just off.)

ok enough of that. i feel bad even typing it. i did enjoy myself and we all had a good time. i guess sometimes you just want to see your old heroes again and you don’t need a lot pomp and circumstance to go with it. on the bright side it’s gonna make 180 million in five days. hopefully this will encourage them to make a better picture next go round. streamline the cast and stick the soundstage. sorry kat :( if it’s any consolation i think i contradicted myself five times. but it’s late.

PLEASE REPLY IN BLOG OR I WILL SICK MY JUMANGI MONKEYS ON YOU!

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