then her boyfriend wrote me and said we’ve been going out for four years and do i know what’s going on? i showed her and she was like i havent talked to him for years, i ignore him online, sometimes we’ll talk on wow. then she had a nervous breakdown during a shoot and was flown down to florida. then she came back and said she didnt want to be in a relationship, and that my being excited to commit on my blog, made her cringe. i told her i just didnt want to sleep with a bunch of strangers on the road. i was excited to have one girl at home. i never cared what we called each other. it wasnt until the next morning did i realize that id been dumped. i called all my kates, i have like three of them. and they told me to chill and be positive wait it out, see what happens. so i wrote her a letter and i was like did u dump me, and she said she was afraid of commitment, so i said fine let’s promise to never commit and we can still date and hang out and do fun stuff like the statue of liberty and medieval times. and she was like i dont have a problem with that. so we got together. and ate some food and laughed and kissed, so it kinda felt normal but something was up. then i went over yesterday and kept her company while she procrastinated on moving. then she came over we made out some more then she slept over and we fell asleep holding each other.
then today happened.
we woke up, i was cold, she took all the covers. it was cute. we slept in. and fell asleep again holding each other. then she got up and went shopping with her friend. then the crazy stalker guy wrote again and said he and rachel patched things up and he wished me luck. then i called him and was like wait. so what’s going on?
it was all true.
she had had a boyfriend for four years and she was lying about him the whole time. she pretended he never existed the entire time she was with me. and when he did appear she said he was a stalker. the bf went on to expain that she told him that she humored me and pretended to like me so i would stay her friend. even though we fucked infinity times. then he revealed that they fucked last weekend. while she was in florida having her nervous breakdown. so she’s like in bed with him saying she’s manipulating me. sorry if this is hard to follow.
so i call her and say wtf? and she finally calls back after not picking up for a bit and admits to the whole thing. she was two timing us. and neither of us knew about it. and she couldnt get out of it because she liked us both and the lies kept on growing. she said she really did like me when i asked about the part where she misleads me to hang out with me. i was relieved to hear that, cuz i was trying to stay positive, but then she said she didnt want to kiss me or be romantic again because i would never be able to trust her. and what’s worse is she sounded like she wanted to see if she could salvage her relationship with the bf. so im just like the other guy kicked to the curb.
i got mad then and told her she was the meanest girl in the world and that i had never been treated so poorly by anyone. im still dumbfounded by the cruelty of it. and then i thought about it and i realized she ruined the muppets for me. and she bought me this huge millenium falcon that i was gonna save up and earn myself. and now i cant look at my muppet or my falcon. or fucking anything right now.
and whats worse some dude who bet 200 bucks worth of cash on the cf star wars fund writes and says i dont have the cash. sorry.
i feel like i try so hard to stay alive and make people happy. i try again and again to fall in love so i can be happy and continue to do my job, raise money. but this time i feel like i really got fucked with and burnt. i got played. love has left the building and now my sex drive is gone. she said her’s was gone, but then i found out she had been fucking him in florida. that might’ve hurt the worst.
i feel kinda throw uppy and gross. i was eating when this all happened. and then i stopped immediately and now i just feel like hungover/beat up. i feel like i have the flu and my sinuses are exhausted. the freezer is filled with white castles hamburgers for her and kinder, and bager bites. the crisper is filled with beer for her which im trying really hard not to drink. (succeeding) her stuff is still here. her hair is still in my bed, on me, in my underwear its everywhere. i feel conned and duped. covered in her slime.
i was quick to write the girl i was going out with before all of this to apologize for how i left things. the whole time i was with the model i kept thinking about her and how she was sweeter and how her love was real and i threw it away to feel what? i dunno. i made the wrong choice and suffered greatly for it. i thought maybe i can be happy in this city that i love. well the city doesnt love but alabama definitely did. and you fucked that up. she was cool and felt bad for me because she’s awesome.
so to recap i just dated a girl for a month and fell in love with her and she already had a boyfriend of four years. awesome. i am now alone and i have three weeks till tour and hopefully in that time i can get it together and then kick ass like im definitely capable of doing. if you see me this tour and i dont look totally awesome or stoked to be alive it’s because im allergic to love. and sometimes this sadness wont let me be.
ps. i am happy to have the blog back, to be able to say what im thinking and process things out loud. i missed you. sorry i ever blamed you guys for ruining things. you’re my saving grace.
PLEASE REPLY IN BLOG AND TELL ME HOW I CAN DO BETTER AND DESERVE BETTER. MODELS ARE LAME.
