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I CANT BELIEVE IM OPENING UP FOR ICED CUBE!!!

i know i know the audience is evenly split on this issue. but let me state some facts. everyone deserves an mc chris show, clowns, queers, cowboys. my music works on anybody that’s ever been told to fuck off. cowboys get that more than anybody and never mind all the queer cowboy clowns out there. basically i understand what it means to want to be a part of something like the juggaloes or wanted to be a part of a family in general. and this family is far more accepting and open minded than others from what i can tell. i understand wanting to hide behind a mask and create an alter ego. i kinda do that myself. i have been warned repeatedly by all these “horrible” juggaloes that i need to have my guard up and be prepared for bottles to be thrown at my head the whole show. chants of u suck, for an army of drunken assholes bascially. but im mc chris and i rap about star wars and who doesnt love that? i mean really. ive been told to put my show on an ipod and wrap in plastic and tape it to a speaker by one of my fans. lol. i need a good laugh as you know, so im hoping i just laugh all day at the craziness of the place. they’re treating me really well with a flight and hotel room so i really dont have to walk around but i cant help but want to check out the zipper. my favorite carnival ride. in fact i will meet any and all mc chris fans at the zipper before my set (stay tuned for the time.) this will be my security detail and most likely i will bring all of you on stage to ninja bottles away from my face. it’s only 40 minutes and if they sandman me and i only do two songs. it’ll be the most money ive ever made in such a short period of time ever. so im seeing it as a win win. AAAAAND im always embarrassed by the fucked up shit i say on stage but i dont think that’s gonna be an issue here. i can say whatever i want and that’s got me a little stoked. so yeah, anyone gets a show. im not a part of anything. i love everybody. everybody needs a laugh. that’s the deal. click on link to go to their website c ya there august 6th!

juggalogathering.com

LEAVE COMMENT WHOOP WHOOP

the book has too many kissing parts so let’s get back to geeking out and go to legoland.

well… i mean really this blog’s about dealing with bad news and how do you move on. here’s a couple things i recommend, first thing is watch the news. when all this stuff first started bumming me out i watched a week’s worth of news on my dvr. i found out about the couple that was murdered in a cinematic safe heist. they had an army of disabled children depending upon them. i found out about bloody afghanistan; sometimes i forget about the war until i receive a letter from someone overseas which is pretty regularly and in between letters if its not in the news i dont think about it. i dont think people can walk around thinking about the real carnage that happens on this earth. we have to block it out to put one foot in front of the other. so yeah the world has it way worse than me.

if you’re sad and you feel alone you’re family is always there kinda waiting for the bat call to spring into action. and my family was awesome in this regard. my brother and i chatted and he advised me to abscond and breathe. he is so wise. and really all this threw me for such a loop that i smoked a cigarette and almost sat down at the bar. i was low. feeling so rejected. but he gave me perspective. and it was good to talk to him. its a great feeling to know that there are people out there that just love you so much, they’d do anything. he was missing his wife and two girls who were on a trip; separation is torture.

i found someone to hang out with and talk to, that would help me gain perspective. her name’s adri and she brought her 6 year old son dakota. their father terrin and i toured together in 2008 before he died of cancer. he was the keyboardist of pinback and basically we were buddies and just constantly riffed and joked and laughed. he was my friend on the tour. two tours really. and the last time i talked to him was on the phone on the side of the stage at the bowery ballroom before making a guest cameo during pinback’s set. i think he complained that his son wouldnt let him play lego batman. i loved terrin and i’ve never lost anyone so close to me. ive never had someone who’s name was on my phone and still is, just leave the earth. i dont think anyone knows how to mourn or how to act like life is the same afterwards. all day long i kept waiting for him to join us.

so adri and dakota needed a laugh as did i and we all went to legoland. this was perfect for me because it wasnt near the con which was just too intense (although a con blog will follow this.) i was also in the middle of a lego craze, having slightly eased out of my peanuts phase. i just finished the motorized walking at-at and was ready for the next project. when i was little my brothers and i didnt get along much save for when we built lego’s together in my brother dan’s room. the radio would be on, playing stairway to heaven and toto, and we’d all be fast at work, mainly making star wars inspired space ships and docking bays. my friends and i all got together last wednesday to watch the new green lantern dvd and the chipmunks animated movie from the 80’s (wow horrible) and we all discussed which lego’s had the greatest value. the rotating pieces, the gun piece, the swivel piece. when i worked at sealab my boss adam would build expensive lego sets to ease his mind and prolly cool his jets. im the age he was when we worked together so maybe there’s just this stage in a man’s life where he needs to sit down and breathe and do something meticulous.

i spent my first two days in california with kids and i think fate can be awesome like that. kids dont know, dont judge, they just want to play and riff and think and laugh. i cant help but feel embarrassed for being perpetually adolescent, i love my nerdy things, my toys and legos, comics and what have u. i dont know if that’s just who i am or if that’s part of me pretending i havent grown up, because being a grown up sucks. i dunno. i just follow my heart. i take luxury in the escape that these things bring me. i feel like it makes the hard ships of life tolerable. i hate that feeling that im an idiot for liking stuff, or for cracking jokes. but i guess its how i cope and kids dig it. im good with kids and i guess that’s important to me. ive worked with them before. i volunteered in philly after college when i felt like no one needed me. i found out that abused people just want to be paid attention to, they want to be heard and they want to interact. it’s just time spent together. ive learned to let kids lead the play, so they can fully explore everything. ive learned to not be condescending to the them or to patronize them. i think i respect kids. maybe im perma-ten or maybe i just think they’re smarter than other people do. i dont mind using a bigger word around them because its good for them to hear a ten cent word. i dont dummy myself down around them. no baby talk. if anything i just be myself. im a goofy guy that loves amusement parks and details and i just love walking around eating up all the details. im an easter egg hunter and lego was full of them.

i have to give legoland a big thumbs up! basically we rushed through the park for like four hours and there was still so much to do. the lego city walk had so much detail that it was impossible to take it all in. there were parts like the pirate world that i didnt even see. the place was huge. when i walked onto the floor at comicon i just went to legos and left. i want to go to the supreme lego store. im making good money as of late and i can just kinda do whatever. i can go anywhere, go on any trip etc. but i dont do much and just try to save. but i will give myself like a cool lego set. to make me happy. i birthday myself like once a month. so i was stoked to go this park’s store and so was dakota. we couldnt really decide what to get. i grabbed a bunch of architecture sets, including the “willis” tower and a frank lloyd right. i really wanted to buy everything for them all day but i didnt want to seem like a jerk. i got to buy him a couple of pitches in the game area. but we were about to leave and i was like pick one, a smaller one. and we just couldnt decide. he was looking at this huge farm set and every part of me wanted to buy that farm for him. and i guess im crying now as i type that. i guess all of this is my dealing with terrin. dealing with losing him. his son acts like him and its so weird, so i just wanted to do something nice. its weird though when u buy gifts. you can make things weird, so i wanted to keep it small. and we picked out a clone tank we thought was 40 bucks. (takes deep breath continues to type) we got to the register and the rang it up and i before i left i had the guy explain why it was 180 bucks. and he was like the clone tank is 100 bucks. you should see a child’s face when he realizes the value of his lego box has gone up 40 bucks. adri was like no way and i was like it’s fine. we wanted to get out of there any way.  everybody was super happy on the way out.

hanging out with adri all day was a great help. i went over everything with her and we talked about moving on and how does one do that exactly. she’s wants to date but doesnt feel ready. i dont feel like i can date anymore. i feel like i was shut down. at my show that night in san marcos, i got those eyes from the girls that i get when i rap, and it didnt have any effect on me. its like im not here anymore. i have no desire to flirt. (watch my sales plummet.) adri’s perspective on this was eerily similiar to mine. u have to move on, but can u. i told her that at least she got to experience it. at least she got to be with him and now there’s cody. so terrin’s always here in his son’s face. he’s in the songs cody sings to himself. i got to experience it too. so i’ll leave it at that and try to deal. there were times when i’d smile knowing what love feels like. ur just changed if u ever get to feel it.

we hugged and said i love you’s and split up but our cars were parked in the same area so i ran back to them to take ONE more pic and adri said, he just said he’s the nicest guy ever. and then she told me he said that i would make a good dad. i took their picture and they fell over, drunk on lego’s. i drove home thinking about my family, the one i would start. and how it’s my dream. i wouldnt have a child until i was ready to support it, until the mother was ready to have it, and ive got all these nerds to take care of until the little whipper snapper shows up. but my heart knows that i needed to be with someone that needed a surrogate dad because i needed a surrogate family. i felt like my chances had just been taken away. so i needed to hear dakota say that id be a good dad. (cries)

phew. that was the toughest blog ever to write.

but it’s done. GOOD CRY EVERYBODY! that’s a wrap.

CLICK FOR PHOTOS

PLEASE COMMENT WITH UR LOVE OF MOVING ON

life is sucking right now. and i have been fighting the gulps and
tears and nausea. i woke up for my flight and it was easy. i was
bummed because i woke to find my facebook fan page shut down. well i
couldnt publish updates. and this is why, the bf set up parental rules
in their apartment and basically he was trying to block her from
stickam so she couldnt see me and facebook so she couldnt hear me. i
assume that because we talked while i was blocked this caused red
flags, maybe it has nothing to do with him turning on the parental
blocks. the result is none of you get to know about comicon which
makes me not even want to walk the floor. but we can all wait. and
none of it’s really important. if u destroyed everything i had built
like it was some church, would u be at all surprised if i said at the
press conference we will build again. i just dont know why you would
punish fans for anything u thought i did?

jetblue rules, i watched anthony bourdain eat all the things i cant on
direct tv. i didnt even read my book. the hardest part of the six hour
flight was being disconnected from the world and her. she spent the
week trying the break up with him he spent the week trying to keep
her. this is done i guess by feeding her copious margaritas, sitting
in front of the door so she cant go outside and call me, turning on
parental blocks. i would think if you wanted a girl you wouldnt
infuriate her or make her feel like life is hell. he would watch her
while she watched me on stickam. all of it is creepsville. every time
he does anything, i cant help but conclude this guy was not good for
her. im not saying i am but how would he think any of it is good idea
is beyond me. i understand he’s freaking out and feels like i did this
and i ruined his life. but she came to me with her complaints ready.
she was already fed up. she had strayed, i didnt do that. what did i
do? i saw her a second time. if you met the coolest girl in the world
and she wanted to see u again could u say no? i couldnt and that is my
crime. i guess it also wrong of me to fall for her. to like her at
all. to feel love after two dates. he’s been writing me these long
letters about his love is real and mine is not. even though he said he
fell in love at first sight. i guess his first sight experience trumps
mine.

i landed in cali and my phone went nuts, there were like fifteen
emails. two from the boyfriend with the title how you like them
apples? it was like her family picked up and they’re taking her where
you can never get to her! um… maybe if the communication lines were
open her brother wouldnt have had to drive fifteen hours to take her
to florida because i had jsut bought her a plane ticket for her to go
see her mother in florida the night before. ive been telling her since
i saw her a second time to go talk to her family and friends. thinking
they might hear her and help.

well his letter was about all the pain i caused again. i keep on
thinking i caused this break up? no. no i didnt. you can move a girl
to live with you and you can try to make everything perfect but if you
cant make her feel what she doesnt feel. the vibe i get from the whole
scene is that no one thinks she knows what she’s doing. she just seems
crazy because she has feelings for me and im the bad rapper. he says
the family had this five hour meeting and ive made every one feel
horrible and im causing this. does he not take responsibility for
anything?i think they just want me to go away because im supposed to,
as a rockstar i am incapable of love. whats funny to me is that anyone
would think i was a rock star? he said you dont even understand love,
ur too superficial.

when people say means things about you that arent true it can still
hurt. even if it’s not based on anything remotely resembling fact.
still i got here to comicon and saw stan lee and seth green right away
hung out at the robot chicken panel and really, i shouldve been in
seventh heaven. nerd shangri-la. but im trying to not cry in front of
everyone at the dinner table as i say, im a good person! i dont think
the head of adult swim would leave his 9 year old son in my care all
day today if i was this monster and predator this dude makes me out to
be. im like this kid just has a huge grin on his face, he wont stop
giggling, i am not a bad man people think i am. and then i think i can
get cartoon network and the cystic fibrosis foundation and quarter
million people to rally together and declare that i am a good guy. my
x’s arent texting me right now wishing me well because im some monster
that ruins lives. i am good terms with my x’s doesnt that say
anything? doesnt everything i’ve ever done lead one to believe that i
care about others? life sucks when all you want to do is state your
case but uve already been found guilty and the courtroom is clear. i
guess that’s why i type so there can be a public record of my defense.
so i can talk to someone that will listen. you guys.

i want nothing more than to meet her folks and prove my worth. even if
she and i just end up friends it’s worth it. its never cool to have
your character dragged through the mud needlessly. im on the planet to
help people escape, help them feel better. and all the comments below
will attest to that. i might spend my whole life alone on this planet,
crying in stairwells like today, but that’s ok, if the only love i
ever really get is from the fans it will be a blessing and one i will
always cherish. i cant help but try to find someone for me. his last
line was that my facebook shut down because it was god’s way of saying
i dont deserve fans. i guess god has time to do the little things like
shut down websites. i would think he would just kill me instead of
being so subtle but that’s god. his ways are mysterious.

grrr. when her and i talk there are rays of light that make all of
this nonsense go away. i feel like the boyfriend is scaring the family
and stressing her out, and then passes all of it onto me like it’s my
fault. his world is crumbling around him and he cant help but lash
out. when the model tricked me last spring i was hurt bad too and i
felt sick like i do now and couldnt eat for a week. i know how he
feels even though he thinks i cant feel. i know that her family
assumes the worst about me because of what people think of rappers and
because of whatever he’s fed her. i can only hope she speaks her mind
and let’s them know that im good and not here to ruin anything,
especially her. when u really love someone you can let them go because
you TRULY want them to be happy. if they love you they will return.
when she writes me and tells me she loves me it gets me through but i
feel like convincing the world that we’re not jerks or nuts will be
near impossible. i will though. i will never give up unless she tells
me to. and she has been clear about me not giving up.

ill fly down to florida and meet her mom, ill meet her dad. maybe they
should talk to some of the parents that have met me before, or my own
parents. how do u think they would feel if they had to get on the line
and explain to someone that im not evil.  or all the parents that
thank me in letters or the fans. i really need you guys to be vocal
about the positive things today. the letters you send me every day
matter more than ever. its time to shout it loud, mc chris is a good
person! and chris ward is even gooder!

maybe it’s no use. im only gonna go on what she says. her dad told her
last time she and i talked that i should meet the parents. and id love
to. really. id do anything to show them that i would care for her with
every cell in my body. and that doesnt mean sitting in front of the
door if she wants to leave.

PLEASE COMMENT WITH UR LOVE OF CHRIS WARD. I AM A GOOD PERSON AND I AM
CAPABLE OF REAL LOVE.

hey guys if you or anyone you works at facebook please help me let them know that i am really mc chris and that i have not violated any terms of use.

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so if you have any idea how this happened or why or how to fix it please help. i wrote facebook a letter but im not sure if that will help. i have suspicions about someone filing a fake complaint but i have no proof soo…. plz help or no comicon updates

THANKS LOVE MC