I have been sick with a roaring sinus infection for the past 5 or 6 days now. It totally sucks, because no matter how much rest I get, I seem to wake up feeling pretty out of it. It’s only viral right now as well, so there is no going to the doctors for antibiotics either. It’d do no good. The funny thing is, being sick is pretty much the same feeling whether I’m 8 or 28. Being layed is being layed up. Granted, there is a difference in being home sick and watching Nickelodeon and being home sick and having all of the world’s knowledge milliseconds away, but if either way I’m just lying down watching Hey Arnold!, the difference isn’t that great.

Though, these days, I’d rather be in school. I hate missing lectures, even when they are just the professor reading a pdf or powerpoint he posts online anyway. Being out for a day is one thing, but I just can’t enjoy the break how I used to. I mean, when you’re only in lecture 3 days a week anyway, I think I get a decent clip of leisure time in anyway except for when there is a big paper or project or test pending. When you’re this sick, I can’t even really get much work done on that anyway. Between feeling sick from the cold and feeling woozy from the cold meds, I can’t focus that well. I’m surprised at my coherence currently.

I’m taking a nap.

I have a bit of a miserable head cold going. I shouldn’t be up at 2am as such, but yet I am. I’m listening to some songs from a turning point in my youth, and I’m wallowing in nostalgia. Right now I’m blasting Veruca Salt’s 25, I’m recalling the whole scene of listening to the album the songs from.

The CD/Cassette boombox that I’d specifically wanted for Christmas whirs gently while I listened blistering solos on cheap KOSS headphones. Lying in bed, I ponder what I’d have to do in class the next day. I’d probably blown off some homework, likely because it felt trivial, and the punishment for skipping more than 4 assignments seemed just as trivial. Specifically, being held in for the monthly bonus recess didn’t mean much when most of the class made a point to pick on me anyway. The separation wasn’t that hard on me, and only my very last teacher for the last of 6th grade inspired any achievement out of me.

Oddly though, it would be the music that listened to late into the night that bridged the gap between myself and the other students. I eventually brought my guitar to school, on which I had been dutifully learning various songs. I wasn’t more than half way through stumbling through “Smells Like Teen Spirit” or something like that before it was obvious to me that whatever the other students had thought of me for the past 2 years had evaporated. Any other weirdness I exuded was superseded by musical talent, what little there was at that point.

Thus, through out Junior High and High School, that was the icebreaker. If I didn’t bring my guitar on the first day of classes, it’d find it’s way to the campus eventually, and I’d play a few songs and make a few friends. Slowly but surely, I didn’t even need that. It was the stepping stone to creating my own confidence, because even with out a demonstration of skill, I knew I that I could do something cool. I learned to be assertive, friendly and outgoing, and I made a menagerie of radical friends because of it. I didn’t keep all of them, but they were all wonderful while I had them.

Truthfully, I miss the simple focus that came with listening to a CD. No browser 30 tabs open, no apps, just CD player, with at most 80 minutes of music, whirring gently. I suppose that’s any generation’s privilege – to miss the things they used to have, even with the imperfections that came with them. I’m sure some of the iPod generation will miss the single purpose and non-connected nature of the old mp3 players.

I don’t know why I go out of my way to make obscure references and bad puns in my blog titles, but I do. I think I must think my fans (who I am now addressing in the 3rd person for no reason,) must want to be entertained. After all, I am a musician and writer, or at least that is the crux of this blog. Should I ever really do any indie software development on this blog, posts like these will contrast awkwardly with more technically minded work. I should probably start a separate blog at that point.

Anyway, my throat is raw – I think I’m some kind of sick. I cut lectures for extra sleep. I am trying to avoid the doctors, mainly because I’d have to learn how to use the school insurance system. I’m bureaucracy-adverse, so I would love to just sleep it off. However, homework calls me from pure recovery, so I should probably get some nyquil now and call it a day. At least I’ve pretended to work by posting this.

I’ll end on amusing piece of dialogue:

“What’s your school like?”

“What’s it like? I never really thought about it. It’s on top of this mountain, so it feels kind of isolated and lonely up there sometimes, even though that’s also why it has a pretty great view.”

Life is only stranger than fiction because life can give you the chills when it’s too close to fiction. Then, it’s like a forbidden wall between worlds was broached.

художник на икониИкони на светци

To make this count towards my requisite blogging, I will start with this obvious filler sentence. Also, I broke a key rule from the previous lecture about brevity in sentence structure. Also, while I’m taking about class, I should put a notebook in my backpack, so I can do the in class writing assignments.

Hmm, that’s three sentences. I wonder if my prof appreciates the explicitly meta writing style that I’m employing, or whether he finds cliche and overdone.

Anyway, I wrote some music, and yes, it is about the same stuff I’ve been blogging about for the last week. (I bet that is even more annoying to the professor.)

Ultraklystron vs. Juno – Focus (Remix-Cover)

Ultraklystron – Katawa Shoujo

I figured that after dragging myself unexpectedly through the ringer this last week with Katawa Shoujo, watching a movie might be nice break. It’d be some light mental junk food to cleanse my palette. At least that’s what I thought the opportunity came up to watch Scott Pilgrim vs. The World with Nursehella. I mean, it’s based off a fairly cartoony looking comic I hadn’t read, and it was directed by Edgar Wright (of Shawn of the Dead and Hot Fuzz fame.)

See article title.

Yeah, instead I was treated to an amped up version of some of my own experiences with surreal fight scenes interspersed. I could spell that out, but the people who know me probably get it, and the people who don’t know me aren’t owed details. A lot of the plot points and best lines might as have been shuriken or piano wire. When they hadn’t been said/done to me, I’m the one who had said/done them. It almost violated the film’s sanctity. I figured that at worst, my critical side would’ve been picking apart the special effects, and best I would’ve just been enjoying the story. Instead, I was pretty much just indexing actions and lines against my own experiences past a certain point. It was unnatural.

I wish I’d read the comic. I might have saved a lot of good people some trouble since my life isn’t as warm as the film’s end. The things I can take from it are lessons I was already taking from the rest of this week’s self-inflicted emotional roller-coaster. The good endings come from doing things for me while still being considerate of the perspective and feelings of others, even when I can’t fully fathom that viewpoint. It’s a pretty odd set things to take to heart in someways.

Might as well watch Ano Natsu’s second episode and see if that’s a kick in the ribs too.

Frankly, I should probably go back and bundle this all up a little more cleanly as review for toonzone.net, but for now, I think I can indulge myself in some more relaxed writing. In fact, if only because I’m supposed to blog for my writing class, I feel I can voice my opinions here and then double dip later. Nobody really reads this page anyway.

Back on topic, I’ve gradually stumbled through some more of Katawa Shoujo. I’ve been playing it honestly, and rather than aim for a character, I’ve let the chips fall where they may and answered everything honestly. The result actually has surprised me. I completed the path for Emi Ibarazaki with the good ending, and that alone kind of felt unexpected. I am not an athletic person by nature, but I made the decision I would’ve made if in the same situation – if it’s run or die, I’ll get up and run.

The more richly surprising part is the extent that certain aspects of the Emi path have mimicked my own relationship history. I didn’t expect my responses in game to lead to a progression with parallels to my real world habits. I almost feel like I’m gaining new insight into my own behavior and choices. I’m not sure exactly what that says about the writing in a quantitative sense. If nothing else though, it has me suckered in. I want to play through another route, and see whether it’s just the nature of the game, or something deeper.

In fact, maybe the game isn’t good at all, and I’m just having too much fun thinking about the Lacanian aspects of the visual novel medium for the first time as I play. Is a visual novel only good so long as you see yourself reflected the visual novel’s Other? Does the player only feel like they been reflected because they want to believe their choices impact the Other? Does this mean the player will enjoy the game without regard to it’s objective qualities because of the very structure of the game? I mean, is it only good because it’s fitting what I’ve been led to believe are the patterns I’d fall into naturally? I don’t know because I’ve never thought about it before. I do think there is a certain rose tinting that comes into play here, but that’s the human condition to some extent. Where does one’s limited perception end, and the manipulation of that limited perception begin?

Of all the things I would’ve thought could engage my contemplative side, Katawa Shoujo should’ve been at the bottom of the list. Maybe that’s the best I can expect since the game probably wasn’t intended to spark these questions. I guess that constitutes quality.

On the flip side, it breaks up my over-intellectualizing up with some genuine humor in between the odd and possibly imagined parallels. Laughs are laughs, and even if some of them are a bit morose or surreal, they are there. How bad can a smile be?

Even though I just played a show in Seattle last month, it seems I have signed on for even more. On February 11th, I’m playing a free show at the Shipwreck in Seattle. There is a Magic the Gathering tournament beforehand if you’re interested in that kind of thing. If not but you’re still in the area, please turn out. Later, on April 7th, I’m performing at Norwescon. In fact, on April 5th, Rai Kamishiro is also playing Norwescon, and I should at least be her DJ for that set, though I may jump on a couple of songs myself. Rai (and perhaps also myself) are also looking at doing a panel at SakuraCon the same weekend if the logistics can be sorted.

What does this “influx” of activity mean? As I’ve said previously, 3 (or 4) albums I am involved with in varying degrees are nearing completion. However, what’s become obvious to me now is just how close all of these releases might be. My own album, Animatic, is almost done as there are only a few outstanding collaborative elements to be sent to me, and even the bonus/remix disc is fairly well appointed and effectively complete. Neither Rai’s nor Nursehella’s albums will be as lengthy as mine, so while they each have more work do on them, I don’t doubt that they’ll be wrapped up sooner rather than later. Once the vocals are recorded, it should be an manageable, almost mechanical process. Therefore, it’s a safe bet to say this Spring should bring a unplanned deluge of music from myself and my associates.

Of course, with university soaking up the majority of my time, I won’t be touring. Gigging regularly in Seattle? Sure, as often as Death*Star, Klopfenpop and other artists in the Emerald Empire crew and overall Seattle Area will have me. I’d do shows up here in Vancouver if the opportunity could be seized (actually much easier said than done since I need some Seattlites to drive up to fill the bill.) However, I wouldn’t rule out some touring for Rai and Nursehella, albeit separately and in radically different venues probably. Still, both have pitched some very interesting plans. Should said plans come together, I hope my (largely overlapping) fanbase gets out to support them because it does directly support me.

Or to summarize, let’s put it in the words of rapper T.I.:

“Big things poppin’ [...] failure’s not an option.”

So, like many other internet savvy otaku, I have long been aware of the Katawa Shoujo project. At least a few of my friends have cosplayed as characters from the title, and I had seen the little fan comics that have floated around the internet about it. However, I imagine that like most people, I figured nothing would really come of it.

After all, countless internet forums have had their goofy ideas for projects created by forum members, but usually you’re lucky if you get passed the idea and concept art stage. If that it doesn’t stop there, you’ll maybe see a very mediocre first level or some very rough animation at best. In fact, I can think of at least 2 or 3 I’ve been involved with myself in some small way. Usually, creative projects on the internet are most productive when one or two people do something with little-to-no external input.

Yet, here we are with a full visual novel game with good art and good music, all inspired by single page joke from a decade-old doujinshi. It’s a miracle that it exists at all. However, that won’t stop me from nitpicking.

While a lot of the aesthetic aspects of the game are remarkable for an independent, no-budget project, the writing starts off very, very slow. It’s vastly too wordy (perhaps like these blog posts?,) and the tone is a little too inwardly focused on the protagonist. To make matters worse, that inner focus is a bland self-loathing, the kind that you’d think an otaku-made project would avoid considering how commonplace that complaint is in regards to anime and manga. It’s also a bit inauthentic. One gets the feeling sometimes that the writers lack the life experience to communicate the right feeling in some of these scenarios. Maybe that’s to be expected a bit as well, but while it may make for an interesting meta-commentary, it’s a hassle to sit through walls of text that don’t really engage the player. To make matters worse, there are a lot of different dialogue options, especially early on, and that feels off for a game like this. Being able to take some ownership of the protagonist is critical in visual novels, and I wouldn’t have minded a bit more in Katawa Shoujo at all.

Troubles aside, I can’t seem to really let it go now that I’m into it. It’s clearly a little undercooked, but I still can’t help but marvel that it was served at all. There are also a few sharp bits of characterization and humorous dialogue that manage to string the player along in spite of themselves, and that’s quite impressive since those pieces have to override the drawbacks. I’m certainly glad that I did a little tribute track to the game which will turn up on my next record because, if nothing else, it’s a nod to the efforts of people who beat the odds for fan projects on web forums.

Good show.

So, I have a new review up on ToonZone.net about Usagi Drop. It figures that long after I’d put the review to bed, it turns out the manga manages to have a bit of a train wreck ending, but the anime cuts it off while it’s still heart-warming and sweet. A rare moment where I really must say the show is better than the book.

Speaking of reviews, it looks like one of mine has been quoted on the front page of FUNimation’s site for Princess Jellyfish (screencap here.) I really do hope the title does well for them. It’s a bit of a risk since it’s a fairly offbeat title. I suspect if it doesn’t payoff, I may not be quoted on another FUNimation webpage anytime soon, as I seem to have a habit of latching on to the offbeat lately, and they did post my review of Princess Jellyfish to their facebook page as a means of gauging whether a DVD/Blu-Ray release should be done.

So, assuming I can come up with a simple way of doing so, I am going to join in the big SOPA/PIPA/OPEN Protest with Reddit, Wikipedia, WordPress and everyone else on the internet.

This isn’t a political statement either (Baha’is are banned from participating in partisan politics after all,) it’s a simple application of the categorical imperative. If you can ban one type of speech from the internet because it threatens the livelihood or comfort of one group that is otherwise fully capable of protecting themselves, there is no philosophical reason that shouldn’t be applicable in any similar instance, and that seems intrinsically broken. The lack of due process in these laws only makes that worse as it’d be up to the accused to prove their innocence rather than the accuser to prove the guilt of the accused. The possibility for abuse seems close to limitless, and the odd splits between foreign and national websites seems entirely ignorant of how websites are hosted in the modern world. Thus, regardless of any ideology beyond reason and functionality, these seem like objectively negative and ill-conceived laws.

I should mention I say all of this in spite of the fact that people pirate my music constantly (and when no money changes hands, I don’t care much because I doubt I really lost a sale in that instance,) including for-profit Russian pay download sites that sell my music without paying me royalties. I would benefit in that one instance, even as an independent artist, from SOPA/PIPA/OPEN passing. Justice would be served if that site was shut down, and/or they were ordered to turn over any proceeds from selling music without my permission.

Unfortunately, much of the rest of the internet would likely be so paranoid about linking to any content without explicit permission it’d grind to a halt. Getting my name out to people is difficult if the sites I post content to have to dramatically alter their operations to comply with these laws. Without a reliable way to promote myself across the internet, my ability to find my niche audience is dramatically injured.

Oh, and I know all the legislation acts in different ways, and there might even be enough exemptions that someone like me wouldn’t be affected in regards to my outward business. Alas, none of these laws can ever truly stop those who want to pirate media or counterfeit brand names, or rather, for them do so effectively might damage free speech in most instances. It’s a digital, democratized society, and we all have computers on our desk whose potential is effectively infinite in regards to creation and distribution, or at the very least, the only limit is the person behind the keyboard. It’s only going to be more intense as 3D printing gets cheaper and more precise. Want that that designer bracelet? Print it. Shoot, innovate on the existing design to make it more personal, cooler, better fitting and generally more useful. You can’t tell me that doesn’t sound radical yet exciting, and this is a world we are about to enter. Maybe there is even a market for selling branded designs for home recreation, but if there isn’t, that doesn’t mean the technology should be banned nor should it be ham-stringed by some kind of DRM-system that gets in the way of honest use.

To put it another way, I know the idea that I can sell music and perhaps one day even merchandise is a bit dated as we near an era of home replicators. However, I would never risk free expression on the off chance I make a buck off of it, and I certainly wouldn’t want such a thing to be law. Free expression is why I can write music, write blog posts, have interesting things to read online and so on.

Anyway, check in on Thursday for a decidedly fluffier and less weighty blog post.